If you were to ask me right now how I am I’d probably say “I’m fine.”
Today I’m fine means I’ve felt like shit for months and I don’t know when I’ll feel better, but I’m certain you don’t want to hear about it.
I’m fine means that I’m afraid of someone who genuinely cares asking because I don’t want to break down crying in front of you because I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to stop until I told you everything, embarrassing both of us.
I’m fine means I don’t feel like anyone loves me or cares about me and I feel lonely, and abandoned by the people closest to me.
I’m fine means I’m afraid of appearing weak because I don’t feel like you or anyone else will love me or accept me if you knew how frail I really am, and what a slim thread I am clenching in order to stay functional.
I’m fine means I’m trying to be strong even though I know I’m not.
I’m fine means, “Please someone help me before I fall apart because I don’t even feel able to ask for help and I’m going down fast.”
I’m fine means I’m good at hiding my pain and you will never know unless you get uncomfortably close because I’m afraid that you too will hurt me if you know.
Is this depression?