23.1.07

Small Mysteries

There are certain laws by which the behavior of all things is governed or at least described. We have the law of gravity that has something to do with mass and density and things attracting. There is the second law of thermodynamics, something about all patterns breaking down and increased randomness. (It’s been a while since first year physics ok.)

Slightly less well known are the laws that describe what goes on here at Chez Carrien.

For instance, for some reason that I’m certain science will want to discover at some point, the Genius Husband, who does not shave daily, and does so on a completely random schedule unknown even to himself, can be counted on to decide it must be done on any day that I decide to wipe down the bathroom counters and polish the taps. I can always expect to find poorly cleaned up man stubble sitting in the freshly polished crevices. If I have cleaned both bathrooms the same day it is even reasonable to expect that he may begin shaving in one bathroom and find it necessary to move to the second one in order to finish the job. Since my bathroom clean up is entirely irregular mostly motivated by the feeling that I can’t stand to walk in and look at the grimy surface one more time, the strange link between these two events is something that is indeed mysterious.

Not unique to my house by any means is the observed tendency of small children playing quietly to suddenly scream and cry and argue and start bleeding and need to pee and poop and wake up and discover they are hungry and need need need the moment a parent starts to talk on the phone, even if said parent has surreptitiously snuck into their bathroom with the phone and turned the fan on before making the call.

Also observed in my house is that the odds are extremely high that at the most critical moment in a complex meal preparation all of the children will suddenly need to climb my legs, climb on stools to “Yook at it” and jeopardize not only the meal but life and limb as well.
A peacefully sleeping infant will awaken at the exact moment that her mother either, is stepping into the shower, about to begin a workout, or about to begin meal preparations or eat. As long as her mother only contemplates doing these things, the Baby will continue in peaceful slumber, it is only the moment when she gets up to do them that is so disturbing to the rest of the infant sleeping several rooms away.

Finally there is the law that states that the desire of one child to sit on Mommy’s lap will be directly proportional to the desire of another child to also exclusively possess said lap. This desire will be inversely proportional to the current availability of said lap and therefore nearly always results in tears.

These are the mysteries that inhabit and govern my small universe. some day perhaps science will discover for me why such things are. Until then, I will continue to ponder.

4 comments:

  1. Haha! That is all so true!

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  2. I know! My 4-year old can be on another floor in our house, but the very second I start to exercise, she needs something vital (like a snack).

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  3. My husband rarely, if ever shaves (but his every other month trim sure is messy!) but I have noticed he likes to trim in a clean bathroom - I think my act of cleaning it just reminds him that he needs to clean himself up. Unfortunately, these are not compatible in the order they happen.

    (I re-read that, and I do clean my bathroom more than every other month=0)

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  4. Deborah "Sonshine:)" J4:36 AM

    Oh...oh....oh.....my sides hurt! You are totally talking about MY house! My hubby decided to get up in the middle of the night last night to shave all over my clean sink. Weird.
    And the stuff about the kids is TOTALLY my family! Hee hee

    ReplyDelete

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