Ever have those days when you are tempted to believe the worst of a person? When I’m depressed I give into them far to readily and assume immediately that whatever the other person did was on purpose to hurt me, it’s just the first place that my brain goes. I almost went there again this week with the GH. But I didn’t. I was able to keep from drawing bitter conclusions right away, I held my tongue and I was able to hope that something would change, and lo and behold, it did. I would have been completely wrong to jump to bitter conclusions and made he and myself miserable in the process. I’m so glad that I’m learning these things, however slowly, and a turn in a hopeful direction brings me much joy.
My dad called this week, to talk about his last visit here and to try and understand why our relationship is so strained. For the first time I began to be honest with him about how I really feel. There is much more to say, but for the first time in years I didn’t feel frustrated, angry, or alone when I finished the conversation. I was able to say that I don’t trust him, that part of me remembers and is afraid of him because of who he used to be, I was able to tell him that having him around is very stressful for me because of how hard it is to keep fighting back the tears and any hurtful things I want to say to preempt an attack of words from him in order to protect myself. And he didn’t crap all over me for saying it; he even apologized for some of it. Wow, I feel lighter in that area than I have in a long time.
I found my desk underneath a pile of paper work, and I found it by properly filing everything and writing the letters and mailing things. It feels so good to have something that lurks like that finally dealt with.
The Baby and I have long talks where she giggles and smiles at me.
I bought a new cookbook full of pretty pictures (food p*rn) and meal ideas that focus on using vegetables in exciting new ways.
Listening to my kids play together when they are helping each other and going out of their way to please each other and make each other laugh. They spent an hour at the dinner table this week just laughing together and being silly, enjoying each other’s company. Those things make my heart feel very blessed indeed.
What kinds of things brought you joy this week?