I did not know boyhood could be so sweet, that my heart would melt like this again.
I mourned the disappearance of baby curves that dissolved into hard lines and sharp angles, all elbows and knees jabbing into my lap. He was my first. I wept just staring at his newborn face that first month after he was born. I fell totally in love.
But when I reach out to smooth a cowlick and he catches my eye with a shy smile that thanks me for seeing him, for that touch that means more to him than it did to me, I see that heart of his looking back at me and feel a thrill of joy that he still loves me, as he did when a toddler and I was his whole world.
One day, not too distant, he will see my flaws and they will shout louder than my strengths for a while. My feet of clay will finally show through and he will have to learn to love me again as the flawed human being that I am. He will understand that I am not as perfect or wise as he may have once thought and our relationship will change, and be, I hope, more real as a result.
But that little smile he gives me, the one that says without words, I love you mom, you are the one I want to notice me, it gives me hope for the rocky road ahead. We can navigate our way through it, I think, without losing sight of each other.