14.4.10

Balm

It's the kind of day where I can't tell if the tears that keep creeping up are from hormones, or from  exhaustion, or from legitimate issues, or all three. It's been the kind of week where we push hard until 2am just to get this finished, because it has to be done. Only tomorrow brings something equally urgent and it's push hard until morning again. Just when I think we're done that, there is more to do after all.

Today I have yet another thing to finish. Something I put aside for the sake of other urgent matters all last week and just looking at it now makes me want to cry. I am done. I haven't got anything left. My reserves are exhausted and I am not only used up and wrung out but frustrated by what feels like my lack of ability to do something I should be able to do.

In these moments I forget the constant pushing, the endless doing of the days prior, and instead berate myself for not being in top form today. For not being able to push past yet one more thing and see it to completion. I keep trying, and crying tears of frustration, when I should just take a nap. And then I'm still not finished and children are needy, and the neighborhood is in my house again and I realize that today has been a total waste.

Just when I'm at the lowest he calls, and he says, "I say this all the time, but it bears repeating. You are amazing. You are doing a fabulous job. I can't think of anyone else I would rather do this with. You consistently amaze me with the quality of work that you can produce, and you do it all while still taking care of our children and making sure they are happy and well cared for. You're doing a good job hon."

Then I cry some more, and harder, thinking of the wasted day and the work undone, before I let the words sink in, and the tears wash me clean again.

Sometimes he just knows the exact right thing to say.

8 comments:

  1. Here's a virtual {hug} for you! A wise older woman once told me to go read Ecclesiastes 3. She told me "It just a season, no one can do everything all the time." It really helped me then, and continues to help me when I'm feeling like I'm drowning in everything. Some things I just have to "let go" for awhile.

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  2. I have a husband who sweetly says the same to me when I have a bad day. It's wonderful, isn't it? =)

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  3. Feeling your pain...

    And what a wonderful balm! :) Doesn't it feel so good to fit together like puzzle pieces?

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  4. I'm there. Frustrated. I feel like I've been on a treadmill, going nowhere while the kids have been getting out every toy they own and the baby is climbing up on the kitchen table. Oh, and there's a birthday party. Here. Saturday. I had a wasted day too. Until I look back and find the moments that were really important....the snuggles with my 3 year old after her nap, among others. Hang in there. And thank God for sending you a wonderful husband to lift you up when needed.

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  5. I've had days like that lately too. What a man! :)

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  6. Some days (weeks/months) are just bad and the only way to get through them is just to keep trying, right? Right now is pretty dank and awful for me, too. But summer is coming.

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  7. When I read this the first time, I misread it and thought it was the Lord who was telling you that you were doing a good job! I think your husband was speaking what the Lord would have you know as well. He is saying the very same things to you, and He is proud of you too!

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  8. When I read this the first time, I misread it and thought it was the Lord who was telling you that you were doing a good job! I think your husband was speaking what the Lord would have you know as well. He is saying the very same things to you, and He is proud of you too!

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