27.7.11

Husbands are Not Accessories-Plain talk about marriage for the single woman

video

I decided to video log this because if I could have my way and we were talking about things like this you would be over at my house, we'd be hanging out, having tea, and just chatting.

So here I am in my house, catching up on my laundry pile while chatting with you about some things.

I think every thing I say in here could apply to single guys as well, but since I'm not a guy and have no experience as a guy, I'm not talking to them.

This subject has been on my mind for a while because of lots of different conversations but the help I needed came one Sunday as I stood talking to 2 friends. One is a lovely, beautiful, compassionate, strong, professional single woman. The other, an older Thai woman with her unique perspective on American culture. (It's really hard to tell how old a Thai woman is by the way. They look the exact same from 20 to 60 it seems.) She was telling the other that a man she talked to recently said he's not interested in woman from California because "they all have their plan, and they're not so interested in being a wife, it's just a small part of their plan."

That reminded me of the moment with Aaron that I tell you about in the video and I realized she's right, and found the way to say the rest of it as well.

What do you married woman think? Would you have anything to add as advice to a single woman who wants to get married?

And you single ladies? What do you think?

4 comments:

  1. Paisley Hillegeist12:49 PM

    So nice to see your lovely face (your hair is getting long!) and hear your voice.  Yes - it's like we are sitting having tea (and folding laundry).  I agree with everything you said - and, I think it goes both ways.  We celebrate 20 years next week.  Hugs!

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  2. Sheri2:14 PM

    Good to see and hear you Carrien.  Perhaps, I should do a video as a single 43 year old woman ;)  I appreciated what you shared and the further I go down this road realize that to be able to walk out and journey life with a partner who you have committed your life to and vice versa, tho' it is not easy and is about a life of service one to another is a very rare gift and treasure that surpasses all in life.  You are blessed.

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  3. Nathaniel & Jessica Moos3:08 PM

    nice to see you and hear your voice... made me wish i could come over and sit down and help you fold laundry (just finished folding my own a few minutes ago) and chat and drink tea.  

    i found my first year of marriage difficult and i think in retrospect that a good deal of it was linked to the adjustment you speak of.  i would have to say you have been very articulate regarding this subject that husbands are not accessories... it is something that i have learned and am learning, but had never actually put into words before.   

    regarding any other advice, the main one that comes to my mind is what my mother shared with me and what i believe links to your subject and that is this: we cannot/should not try to change our husband when we are unhappy with him; the best thing we can do is pray for him (and i mean prayer that releases him to God, not prayer that demands God to change him) and look at ourselves and ask if we need to change (i know i've had to change a lot!).  

    thanks for sharing again.  i've been reading your blog for a few years now and i'm finding that only as i'm willing to reveal myself and comment, i feel like i'm getting to know you so much better, so much quicker, even if we never meet in real life (which, let's face it, is quite possible).  

    so, good night! jessica 

    p.s. sorry this got so long! :-)

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  4. I just came across this post/video . . . thank you so much for this! I am getting married for the first time at 40 at the end of this year, and moving across the country, and I find myself weighing my future life by how much happiness I think it will bring me, when I really know it is about more than that! Thank you for your sincere and honest words here.

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